Today I worked. I do not usually work. I acquire lump sums through manipulation of various sources and live off them for as long as they allow. I can get carried away with spending sometimes. I have very little respect for money. More of a hatred. I believe in trade and reciprocation. Currency however is disgusting. Its affect upon the majority of you renders you to a pathetic submissive form of mimicry… but that is not the point here. Actually, I am sorry to say, there really is no point to this. Its day two of a sixty-five day period in which I am not allowed to contact my ex. My Penelope.
Today I woke up feeling better then I did when I went to bed last night. Last night was difficult. It felt like an end. It was hard not to act upon a desire to find my exs shrink and see if she is accepting patients. Id sit there and tell her every issue I had. Like the one where my ex is being played by an insecure shrink projecting her own relationship issues and textbook generalizations on my relationship.
Its hard not to do anything. I feel as if I could fix this. Instead I am being asked not to exercise any control. To wait. That is not fun. That is hard. Difficult even. Boredom will ensue. Which means I am being asked to endure boredom for 65 days. I’ve explained this but it is still not understood. Anything is supposed to be better then boredom. How can I endure it for 65 days for a different goal? She dumped me because I am a psychopath. Because my children might be. Her children could be. I guess stating that I could logically understand how one could kill their mother was disturbing for her to hear. That I can understand I suppose.
I have to go. Dee is staring at me and annoyed. I wont let her read this or know anything about it other then I write a blog online, anonymously and unfiltered. Why do they not understand that they cannot handle the truth? I don’t want her to further my isolation. I enjoy her company. She is quite affectionate and has the body type I like. I should go though. I am sitting on her bed writing about my ex. She is letting me. I said I would be five minutes eleven minutes ago. Now I am just typing for the sake of it..whine. Its 1215 am anyways. Day three of 65.