I am a janitor. At a university. I’ve been many things; A painter, garbage man, pizza delivery boy, artist, model, fry cook, extra, telemarketer, demolition man, student, volunteer.. there are more but I think you get the point.
I’ve also never been fired, well at least not with choosing to allow the firing anyways. I may have gotten into a fight with a floor installer while working for the last painting company that employed me. The thing is, is that I had already enrolled in school and was quitting the next month anyways. So without any real consequences to avoid, I gave in to the feeling of boredom and jumped at the opportunity for full participation (sex, fighting, and sport allow for full participation).
Oh that’s right. I am also a psychopath. Basically this means my emotions are not strong enough to dictate my actions and I can even “choose” not to “feel” them. Contrary to popular belief, all psychopaths DO have emotions as well as feel empathy. They are simply able to “throw” a switch that essentially weakens the emotions to a point of irrelevance. Oddly enough this is done by focusing on the sensation rather then ignoring it.
Anyways, the point of this blog is to both explore as well as limit my psychopathy, by removing the mask, so I can share with you, he who I hide from everyone else.
Also my girlfriend is getting slightly overwhelmed by what goes on in my head, so I have to choose between shutting her out for failing to serve her purpose or find an outlet that’ll lessen the load for her, while not negatively affecting our relationship, which I value quite highly.
So here I shall share the rants and thought processes, which elsewhere would lead to my isolation, and that are caused by my attempt to understand, you incredibly confusing “Empaths”, for lack of a better term (I use the term Empath to refer to non-psychopathic individuals).